A few months ago, I wrote a column about three things that men hate. It was meant to illuminate those things that men generally feel negatively toward. However, it may have erroneously created the impression that guys are discontented with their lives and possess a primarily negative world-view. And honestly, nothing could be further from the truth. So, in the interest of fair and even coverage of the mind and motivations of the male of the species, I want to explore the other side of things. I’m talking about those things that men pretty much universally love.
Although it probably goes without saying, I am nonetheless going to mention the item that is Number One on the list of “our favorite things.” And no, snowflakes, copper kettles and mittens of any fabric, do not make the cut. As I’m sure you already suspected, the topper of our “want list” is…sex. It’s what we consider the perfect pastime. In fact, guys spend more time whiling away the hours joyously contemplating what they optimistically perceive as the unlimited sexual possibilities that exist for them in the world. And while their expectations and fantasies ultimately prove to be hopelessly unrealistic, their enthusiasm will not be diminished one iota. Men love sex… all sex - good, bad or mediocre (though we prefer “good”). In fact, if you gave men the choice of either giving up sex or their right arm, the world would be filled with guys nicknamed “lefty.”
It may surprise you to learn that all our wants and desires aren’t completely frivolous. Also high on our list is our love for being able to successfully provide for ourselves and our families. Men are very goal oriented, and our biggest goal is to be a successful provider. In many ways it defines who we are. If we are able to supply the things our families need, we feel good about ourselves. And the more we can exceed the minimum necessities the more contented we become. Conversely, a man who is unable to meet his family’s needs, regardless of the reason, feels, at best, ill-at-ease, and at worst, an abject failure. Rightly or wrongly men derive their self respect from their economic accomplishments. So it only makes sense that our success in this area would be something we would greatly prize.
What else do we like? Gadgets. We are oddly attracted to anything that does something cool. No matter how impractical, unnecessary, or fiscally foolish a device is, if it accomplishes some mundane task in a new and interesting way, through chemistry, electronics or simple mechanics, we are inextricably drawn to it. And if it has lots of flashing lights, our credit cards are literally leaping out of our wallets. Why are we fascinated by gadgets? Who knows. I’m not even certain anyone has seriously explored this topic. But that doesn’t change the fact that one of the simple truths about us is that boys really love their toys. And we wouldn’t have it any other way.
And finally, guys love any odor produced by their own bodies. That statement is self-explanatory and deserves no elaboration. Bizarre? Yes. Icky? Definitely. True? You betcha.
The items mentioned above are but the tip of the iceberg of the things that cause men to bound out of bed each morning with enthusiasm for the new day and a zest for life in general. And though the complete list is rather extensive, I promise to elaborate on it more fully at some point in the future. Oh, and did I mention…men really love sex?
© 2009 David M. Matthews. All Rights Reserved.