Monday, April 26, 2010

What Your Guy Friends Are Really Thinking

If you are like many women today, in addition to numerous female friends, you also have (or did have at one point in time) several male friends. For the most part, these are guys whose company you enjoy, but who you don’t date. You hang out with them, share what’s going on in your personal lives, get their “male perspective” on things, but that’s about as far as it goes. Sure, you love them…but like brothers. And you wouldn’t even think about ever having sex with them, because that’s not what your relationship is about. And you know they feel exactly the same way. They cherish your company and friendship, but unlike all the other men in your life, they have absolutely no interest in the tropical tempest between your thighs. And I’m here to say that you can be absolutely confident that this is true… if they are either under the age of ten, comatose, or gay. Otherwise, you’re living in a fool’s paradise.

“That’s just a bunch of cynical crap,” I hear you say. “My male friends like me only as a friend…period.” Are you sure? Or are you just assuming because you don’t think of them ‘in that way.’ that they feel similarly? Now I admit that these relationships seem innocent enough. After all, you’ve spent lots of time together and they’ve never once indicated any sexual interest in you. If they were hungering to be enveloped by your womanly flesh, wouldn’t they have said something? Obviously, they are immune to the gravitational pull of your private parts that keep other men orbiting you like hormone-infused asteroids. And I agree that on the surface it appears their interest is purely platonic, but trust me when I tell you that, know it or not, their penises are casting furtive glances at your nether region when it’s not looking.

So why haven’t they said or done anything to let you know how they truly feel? There could be a few reasons: 1) One or both of you might be in a relationship and the timing is wrong; 2) They know you have no sexual interest in them, and any move they make will be met with negativity, anger or serious laughter; or 3) They have no “game” and don’t know how to make a move on you. Whatever the reason, one thing is certain: In their heart-of-hearts, they hope that one magical evening, one or both of you will be so liquored-up that courage will overcome fear of rejection, pesky inhibitions will disappear along with clothing and at last the two of you will be able to allow your genitals some quality time together. Hey, a guy can dream, can’t he?

Still think I don’t know what I’m talking about; that your guy friends have no interest in getting physical with you? Fine. Next time you’re alone with one of them, tell him you’ve given it some thought and you’d like to have sex with him. If you’re right, there’ll be a moment of uncomfortable silence, after which you’ll play it all off as a joke and the two of you can have a good laugh. More likely, however, the awkward silence will be replaced by the metallic song of zipper teeth as your friend hurriedly discards his clothing in an effort to show you just how “friendly” he can be.

© 2009 David M. Matthews. All Rights Reserved.

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